Quoting Sarah1976:

Police Story:
Lady calls up police department: Officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.
Dispatcher: OK, we'll be right over, lady.
(Five minutes later at her apartment.)
Officer: Which way, lady?
Lady: This way officer, he's still shamelessly baring himself.
Officer: Where is he, lady? I don't see no naked man.
Lady: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.

Weighty Fortune
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover in bed!"
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Secrets for a Happy Life in Men!
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.

Police Story:
Lady calls up police department: Officer, there is a man exposing himself in the next building.
Dispatcher: OK, we'll be right over, lady.
(Five minutes later at her apartment.)
Officer: Which way, lady?
Lady: This way officer, he's still shamelessly baring himself.
Officer: Where is he, lady? I don't see no naked man.
Lady: Oh, you have to look through this telescope.

Weighty Fortune
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight.
He drops in a coin and eagerly reads the results.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely great lover in bed!"
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Secrets for a Happy Life in Men!
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.
2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.
3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.
4. It is important that these three women never meet.

Quoting xiaoran:

well thats the best joke i have ever read --only for english jike.i have lots of sutra joke but all of them are chinese
he he

well thats the best joke i have ever read --only for english jike.i have lots of sutra joke but all of them are chinese
he he

Quoting Sarah1976:

okay. Nothing to help you get over a little heart ache like a good moment of you ment nothing to me.
And who the heck dear johns a guy and lists how many people they have slept with?? come on now. have a little class! hahaha!
Just incase anyone is taking notes while reading these jokes--they can be applied to real life. you cheat on some one whatever, you decide to break up with them great. no need to rub the cheating in their face by telling them about it--especially if it wasn't someone they knew or will every have any contact with. This is that one time in life it totally fine to lie. take the hight road and lie, ommit the truth--forget to mention the cheating. why tell someone you cheated on them unless you want to hurt them?

okay. Nothing to help you get over a little heart ache like a good moment of you ment nothing to me.
And who the heck dear johns a guy and lists how many people they have slept with?? come on now. have a little class! hahaha!
Just incase anyone is taking notes while reading these jokes--they can be applied to real life. you cheat on some one whatever, you decide to break up with them great. no need to rub the cheating in their face by telling them about it--especially if it wasn't someone they knew or will every have any contact with. This is that one time in life it totally fine to lie. take the hight road and lie, ommit the truth--forget to mention the cheating. why tell someone you cheated on them unless you want to hurt them?

Quoting ianw3:

Cute!

Party fun for guys: "Go to a party where no one knows you, introduce yourself": 'Hello, my name's Richard Head but you can call me Dick...'

(hehe)

The ultimate response to a Dear John letter.. You gotta love a man
like this!!!! Humor in the face of defeat.

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a
letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had
slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up
with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did
what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and
collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then
mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his
girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and
send the rest back."

NOW........... THIS IS A REAL MARINE

Cute!

Party fun for guys: "Go to a party where no one knows you, introduce yourself": 'Hello, my name's Richard Head but you can call me Dick...'

(hehe)

The ultimate response to a Dear John letter.. You gotta love a man
like this!!!! Humor in the face of defeat.

A Marine was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a
letter from his girlfriend. In the letter she explained that she had
slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up
with him. AND, she wanted pictures of herself back. So the Marine did
what any squared-away Marine would do. He went around to his buddies and
collected all the unwanted photos of women he could find. He then
mailed about 25 pictures of women (with clothes and without) to his
girlfriend with the following note:

"I don't remember which one you are. Please remove your picture and
send the rest back."

NOW........... THIS IS A REAL MARINE