Well now that it's all over i don't have any regrets. I'm not a good person and i know it. I'm not apologizing for my flaws. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of making everyone happy. I'm not even happy! I am what i am. He didn't like it so screw him. God it's good to vent!! My bestfriend called me today and i couldn't even talk to her. I am so not worried about anyone else or anything. I want to be miserable alone. I don't want someone else to be miserable with me. I told my boyfriend that i was keeping my options open. I think i really upset him, but i don't care. I am the biggest jackass in the world. He was really sweet to me and i really liked talking to him but i guess i'm the type of gal that's only happy when it rains. I like things when they're complicated. I don't think i'd know what to do if i had a 'perfect' life. I can't seem to win. What the hell am i doing wrong? I'm nice, i believe in god, i don't steal, i care about people...why am i so so so miserable all the time. I'm even miserable when i'm happy. LOL. No one understands me because i don't understand myself. Anti-depressants anyone? No i don't think i need that, i just think i'm confused and i haven't found what i want yet...
Yup, this su cks! I want to go home. I miss my friends, even though they were weird and a little crazy, i miss them. I moved to Tampa, FL to start college and to get away from my parents and now i regret it. I'm staying with my cousin, we get along alright but are differences are evident. I'm the emo girl who likes the music where the artist screams and people get the urge to do ludicrous things. My cousin is the calm, hardworking, gal who likes to go out from time to time but never likes things to get too crazy. I can't take it. I miss Leah and her parents black buick, I miss Jake with his bon dage and heavy eyeliner, I even miss courtney with her boy problems. I miss my life then. Everything was complicated (fyi: My life is always complicated) but i had friends and people to complain to about my hard times. Now i am like a volcano waiting to erupt! I'm all work and no play. I need beer, i need loud heavy metal music, i need rough se x with hot country white guys named Nick! My hardcore life is no longer hardcore. I'm just like 'them' The normal boring people of the world. The people go to work, come home, pay the bills, go out every once in awhile for a drink, I'm a part of the 'norm' I'm having a mid-life crisis and i'm not even middle-aged! I'm only 19 yrs old. Please god, or some unknown force bring back some excitement in this boring roller coaster life of mine...
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