Well now that it's all over i don't have any regrets. I'm not a good person and i know it. I'm not apologizing for my flaws. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of making everyone happy. I'm not even happy! I am what i am. He didn't like it so screw him. God it's good to vent!! My bestfriend called me today and i couldn't even talk to her. I am so not worried about anyone else or anything. I want to be miserable alone. I don't want someone else to be miserable with me. I told my boyfriend that i was keeping my options open. I think i really upset him, but i don't care. I am the biggest jackass in the world. He was really sweet to me and i really liked talking to him but i guess i'm the type of gal that's only happy when it rains. I like things when they're complicated. I don't think i'd know what to do if i had a 'perfect' life. I can't seem to win. What the hell am i doing wrong? I'm nice, i believe in god, i don't steal, i care about people...why am i so so so miserable all the time. I'm even miserable when i'm happy. LOL. No one understands me because i don't understand myself. Anti-depressants anyone? No i don't think i need that, i just think i'm confused and i haven't found what i want yet...
Well now that it's all over i don't have any regrets. I'm not a good person and i know it. I'm not apologizing for my flaws. I don't care anymore. I'm tired of making everyone happy. I'm not even happy! I am what i am. He didn't like it so screw him. God it's good to vent!! My bestfriend called me today and i couldn't even talk to her. I am so not worried about anyone else or anything. I want to be miserable alone. I don't want someone else to be miserable with me. I told my boyfriend that i was keeping my options open. I think i really upset him, but i don't care. I am the biggest jackass in the world. He was really sweet to me and i really liked talking to him but i guess i'm the type of gal that's only happy when it rains. I like things when they're complicated. I don't think i'd know what to do if i had a 'perfect' life. I can't seem to win. What the hell am i doing wrong? I'm nice, i believe in god, i don't steal, i care about people...why am i so so so miserable all the time. I'm even miserable when i'm happy. LOL. No one understands me because i don't understand myself. Anti-depressants anyone? No i don't think i need that, i just think i'm confused and i haven't found what i want yet...
You have a bad case of the blues chica. The feeling really blows, I have experienced similar emotions many times. It is good to vent and sometimes better to vent to strangers. They can be more objective and less judgemental than a close friend or family member. Right now you don't need someone telling you that you messed up and you should rethink the decisions you've made. Seems like deep inside you may already know what needs to be done to make yourself whole again. You just need to "dump" right now. Try taking some time off and finding a place where you can feel comfortable with yourself. It really doesn't matter what other people think but you don't want to deliberately hurt the ones that love and care for you. Project your negative feelings elsewhere. I took up kickboxing. lol That's where I projected all my negative energy and once those little endorfins started kicking in (btw, those are the best happy pills around, lol) look out, I felt good and looked good. You need to deal constructively with your negative feelings and start replacing each one with positive things. Some feelings won't go away completely and you may just have to live with it. But you're in a bad place right now so take it one day at a time. I actually read this blog several times before I was able to comment. We all have demons and I've got a closet full at home. But they can be controlled. My prayers are with you girl. Stay strong.
You have a bad case of the blues chica. The feeling really blows, I have experienced similar emotions many times. It is good to vent and sometimes better to vent to strangers. They can be more objective and less judgemental than a close friend or family member. Right now you don't need someone telling you that you messed up and you should rethink the decisions you've made. Seems like deep inside you may already know what needs to be done to make yourself whole again. You just need to "dump" right now. Try taking some time off and finding a place where you can feel comfortable with yourself. It really doesn't matter what other people think but you don't want to deliberately hurt the ones that love and care for you. Project your negative feelings elsewhere. I took up kickboxing. lol That's where I projected all my negative energy and once those little endorfins started kicking in (btw, those are the best happy pills around, lol) look out, I felt good and looked good. You need to deal constructively with your negative feelings and start replacing each one with positive things. Some feelings won't go away completely and you may just have to live with it. But you're in a bad place right now so take it one day at a time. I actually read this blog several times before I was able to comment. We all have demons and I've got a closet full at home. But they can be controlled. My prayers are with you girl. Stay strong.
Hello, It seems to me that finding something that does make you smile and feel good should be your first goal. It may not be a person. Happiness comes from within and no other person is responsible for your happiness. Only you can make you happy.
You can laugh with friends and have fun but that is external.
I know this will sound stupid but what does interest you? Find something to DO that makes you feel good or happy that you did it or are doing it. Sometimes it is called a "hobby". Yeah, that is the stupid sounding part.
Make your own self happy and THEN you can look outward to finding someone with the same interest and both of you will be happy...
Just my .02 cents worth.
Hello, It seems to me that finding something that does make you smile and feel good should be your first goal. It may not be a person. Happiness comes from within and no other person is responsible for your happiness. Only you can make you happy.
You can laugh with friends and have fun but that is external.
I know this will sound stupid but what does interest you? Find something to DO that makes you feel good or happy that you did it or are doing it. Sometimes it is called a "hobby". Yeah, that is the stupid sounding part.
Make your own self happy and THEN you can look outward to finding someone with the same interest and both of you will be happy...
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